Finally it was the day for our ultrasound. Hailey had preschool that day so it worked out nicely. We were both really nervous, but also trying to stay positive about the whole situation. I tried to imagine how things our lives would change if we did have a child with a debilitating disability, then I felt guilty for feeling this way. I just went through so many strange and uncomfortable thoughts that I think only happen in situations like this.
Our ultrasound tech told us that she was going to do a thorough check of the baby from head to toe and capture images for the doctor to look over. She told us that the doctor would go over them with us. I know that the ultrasound tech's aren't allowed to tell you if something is wrong, but I was hoping she would tell us that everything looked great during our hour long session. She didn't. I tried analyzing everything she was doing and her facial expressions, but she didn't really give out any cues. I found myself throughout the ultrasound wiping away tears because I think I just knew something wasn't right. She seemed to be focusing a lot around the heart and capturing a bunch of picture of that area, but she wasn't saying a whole lot. That was a huge red flag for me.
However on a positive note before I continue, it was during this ultrasound that we found out that we were having another girl! I was so excited because I really wanted two little girls who could grow up with an amazing friendship.
After the ultrasound, we waited in the exam from for about 30 minutes while the doctor looked over the ultrasound images. Another red flag. When he finally came in, he told us to follow him in to another room. Red flag. He took us in to a room with a computer screen filled with our ultrasound pictures and movies. He started by explaining a little about what AFP levels are and what they are an indication of. I wasn't really listening and was already starting to cry. He said that our daughter didn't have Spina Bifida. Thank God. But she does have a birth defect called Gastroschisis. More tears. He went on to explain that Gastroschisis is when the bowels are on the outside of the body. Sobs. He told us that it isn't known what causes this defect, so it was nothing we did wrong, and it occurs in women under the age of 30. I'm 29. He told us that the baby would need to be delivered at UW, and she would have to stay there for awhile after birth, and that she may require surgery. Hearing all this was just too much. Even though he also explained that this defect is not normally life threatening, I couldn't get my head around any of it. He asked if we had questions, and I couldn't think straight, neither could Jeff. What is there to say? We felt like we had been hit by a truck. He drew us a picture so we could understand a little better, but I wasn't grasping it. I was hearing birth defect, surgery, UW, organs outside of body...
Our doctor brought in a nurse to explain what would happen next. She would refer us to UW and they would call in the next few days to set up an appointment. Okay, now what? More waiting. On the way home from the appt. I called my parents who were vacationing in Italy. It was probably midnight their time, and thankfully my dad answered the phone. I'm not even sure if he knew what I was saying because I was crying so much, he woke up my mom and put her on the phone. Somehow she was able to make out what I was saying and reassured me that everything would be okay. When we got home, I crawled in to our bed and just cried. I felt so helpless knowing that something was wrong with our baby and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it, but wait. It was an awful moment.
I had to return to work the next day, and I knew that I wasn't ready but I didn't want to use a sick day because I felt like I needed to save them all up for when the baby comes. I should have called in sick because I must have cried a handful times, in private. It was awful.
When I got home, I did some research on Gastroschisis and I started to feel a tiny bit better. It really helped talking to Jeff, our families and close friends. It's always nice to hear reassuring words from the people you love.
UW called us 2 days later and set up an appt. for June 7. They told us we would meet with a Genetic counselor, have an in-depth ultrasound and then meet with a Perinatologist, which we learned is a doctor that cares for the mother and baby in a high risk pregnancy.
More waiting, but things were getting easier with each day. It was easier to talk about what we were going through without crying and I was able to see the big picture in that finding out our daughter has Gastroschisis was better then finding out she has Spina Bifida.
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